I don’t know how I’m keeping myself sane with all that’s happening in Egypt, I seriously don’t know. We, revolutionists, lived, are living, and will live experiencing jailing and murdering our friends. We lived, are living and will live experiencing people who we thought were friends. We are suffering the death of loved ones, old and young.
First it was Bassem, then Seif, and unfortunately more to come. We live everyday to the fear that we, or someone we love, is in danger. If not dead, then in jail, and when in jail, we hope they stay sane, and worse, to stay alive. How we are enduring this is something I don’t know.
Every day I keep asking myself, how are am I sticking to the belief that pacifism works, how it work, did it ever work, will it ever work. Why should people who believe in Peace and Justice in Egypt must feel the pain, the pain of jail, death and betray. I keep trying to suppress the urge to create a militant group and kill them all. It is really painful, emotionally draining, life sucking, teary life we experience when we lose someone, temporarily or permanently.
I think the only thing that keeps me sane now is being in love with a girl who has the biggest heart in the world, and forget everything when I am with her. Only this fact is what diverts my mind from going through self-destruction mode. But every time someone I know is gone the pain strikes back, like an old injury opening up, bringing every tiny emotion back to my heart. I don’t want to live this again, I don’t want to keep experiencing this, and I don’t know what to do.