Reflections

I wrote this some time ago, not knowing if I should publish. I decided that it is good now instead of deleting it later.

Trump, Trump, Trump. This has been what we were consuming for the last couple of months, or was it last couple of years? As someone who resides in the Middle East, as someone who resides in Egypt, I live in a constate state of fear. I wake up in fear, I live my day in fear, I sleep after spending the evening thinking in fear. Fear is just a thing you have to endure in everyday life, just like bills, tax, traffic, you can’t escape it.

As time passes by, you cope with this fear, as much as you can. Fear pushes your limits; it pushes it so hard to the extent you discover things you were not able you could do to protect your sanity.

From time to time, though, things happen that makes you feel you can’t handle it anymore. This vicious cycle of waiting for awful things to happen, seeing them happening, denial, sarcasm, thinking, more thinking, feeling down, then just live with it, adding to the endless list of fears you have to endure every day.

I fear a lot of things. I fear my safety in my country. I fear that I can get sick, I fear my mother can get sick, I fear my wife can get sick. There is no health facilities in Egypt, heck even medications disappear. I fear I can’t afford my future children the education they deserve, or even an education equivalent to what I got. and I was privileged in that.

I fear the consequences of increasing pressure on everybody. Financial, psychological, social, all kinds of burdens on my fellow Egyptians and my friends and loved ones.

I used to think, that if everything collapsed, if all hell broke lose, there would always be the chance to leave. To escape. To forget everything behind. I used to think that the only reason I didn’t decide to leave for, is my mother. She can’t leave, heck she doesn’t even want to leave her city. But now, I feel that the world is slowly transforming to another Egypt. A dehumanized country. I don’t want a dehumanized environment, for anyone. Not for me, not for others.

I don’t know what do do, but I know something is wrong. I know there are a lot of people who work just for the status quo. But you can’t keep the status quo; it turns back at you, and it kicks, it kicks hard. I hope I can have the opportunity to contribute to fixing this. I just hope.

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